Before i Forget : Simon Jones's blog
MoviesFriday, September 3rd, 2010, (1:42 am)

For anyone who enjoys ‘people watching’ the movie below is a treat. It’s called ‘Lift’ by British documentary film maker, Marc Isaacs. The strangely charming film is shot entirely within the confines of an elevator inside a block of flats in the East End of London.

I’m sure we’ve all stood in an elevator and wondered about the story of the person we’re anonymously riding with. Back in 2001 Isaacs spent two months riding up and down the elevator with the residents of the London flats, and gradually the metal box became a kind of confessional in which people cautiously opened their hearts.

In an interview Isaacs said of the film. “It’s an awkward thing to stand there; people are naked if you like: there’s nowhere to hide, and whatever they do is revealing. That’s probably true anyway, but it’s magnified because it’s their face against a metallic background and they can’t really ignore the camera, so even if people don’t say very much it’s still quite interesting.”

Isaacs has won numerous awards for his short films, including several for ‘Lift.’ His most recent film called ‘Men of the City‘ was featured on BBC TV’s Storyville series last year.

‘Lift’ is twenty five minutes long so I appreciate many of you won’t have the time to sit and watch this. However, I really think this is a quite fascinating short film so I hope you will be able to find the time to watch it at some point, maybe over the weekend? I certainly would like to hear what you thought of the film if you do watch it.

GeneralTuesday, August 31st, 2010, (12:42 am)

I have a friend with a problem that they’re clearly unaware of. It seems to be getting worse and I find myself presented with a tough question; Should I bring it up with them, or is it kinder to just overlook it?

BuzzwordaholicCatherine (not her real name) is a bright and attractive girl who oozes confidence yet tempers any possible swagger with a genuine empathy for those around her. She loves her fast-paced city life and is enjoying success in her chosen field. In short she’s great, and I’m lucky enough to count her among my friends. However, she has a condition that I’m finding increasingly hard to deal with. She’s has I.B.S… Irritable Buzzword Syndrome.

Conversations with Catherine used to be fun and meandering exchanges that could flow in any direction or gather around a subject like bubbles in a bathtub. These days, however, the corporate city life she so obviously adores is having an effect on my friend.

Her I.B.S can stink up a conversation faster than a fart in a taxi cab. Buzzwords fill the conversation then linger like annoying toilet floaters seemingly impervious to any attempts to flush them away.

The unfortunate condition used to be confined to conversations about her job, but it would seem that the I.B.S is spreading. Even the briefest of chats can leave me feeling like I’ve watched a subtitled French film that would have been better if it were dubbed. Sometimes I can only make sense of a sentence because of the context; on its own it would be pure nonsense.

So what should I do about my friend and her I.B.S? I’m not sure that a quiet word in her ear would be heard unless it was itself a buzzword, and I’m not well versed in the corporate double-talk of her excessively wordy world. Perhaps an intervention is called for, a forced removal to a farm in deepest Wales where she could be deprogramed then later returned to everyday society. Or maybe there’s a middle way, an option that won’t potentially alienate my friend or worsen her condition?

I’ve searched the web for natural remedies, plants or fruit extracts that might alleviate the situation. But perhaps there is a deeper issue here, one that cannot be cured in stealth mode and instead has to be confronted by my friend herself. Maybe there is a some kind of twelve step program she can join or a local support group for recovering buzzwordaholics? I just don’t know. All I know is that its getting harder and harder to listen as my friend fouls up our chatter with her Irritable Buzzword Syndrome.

Unsuckit.com : ‘Un suck’ terrible business jargon
BuzzWhack : Dedicated to demystifying buzzwords
Intergrated go-forward buzzword generator
Ridiculous business jargon dictionary
Doing life the hard way
What is I.B.S really?
GET BEFOREiFORGET BY EMAIL, iPHONE, OR PODCAST

MusicMonday, August 23rd, 2010, (4:57 pm)

Teen pop thing, Justin Bieber, is not a name you would find on my iPod. His particular brand of music isn’t really my cup-of-tea, however that might be about to change.

Justin BieberBieber is a 16 year old Canadian who has been enjoying success in the world of processed pop music. He was discovered on YouTube in 2008 and was quickly thrust into the limelight where he promptly became the heart-throb of many a teenybopper.

In truth I learned most of this information from Wikipedia because, as talented as Bieber may indeed be, his stardom had gone largely unnoticed by me. That was until last week when I was introduced to Bieber’s song ‘U Smile,’ or rather a version of the song that had been slowed down 800%.

Slowing down the track to such an extent transformed if from tweenbop pulp to a full scale ambient piece more akin to the music of Brian Eno or Sigur Rós.

The track glistens beautifully though a series crescendos that gives the now 35 minute piece an epic quality far beyond Bieber’s original which the San Francisco Chronicle recently described as an “uncreative and unremarkable piece of cookie-cutter pop.”

The slowed down version of ‘U Smile’ was posted on soundcloud.com last week by 20 year old Nick Pittsinger from Tampa, Florida, who produces ambient music under the name Shamantis. It was an instant hit and at the time of writing this post the track had been listened to 1,671,365 times and downloaded 19,467 times.

Bieber himself has apparently said he likes his ambient piece, commenting to this effect on his Twitter feed. However, despite it’s popularity, it’s unlikely the slowed down version of ‘U smile’ will find it’s way into his world tour.

Perhaps in years to come, after many rounds of rehab to recover from what will surely be a fearsome battle with cocaine and alcohol addiction on a par with other child stars, Bieber might actually produce music to this standard deliberately. Until then this will remain the only track of his you will find on my iPod.

Oh, and in case you’re curious, speeding up the music of Sigur Rós by 800% does not produce a Justin Bieber like sound. (Listen for yourself)

Justin Bieber, ‘U Smile’ – Slowed down 800%

Sigur Rós – Sped up 800%

‘U Smile’ slowed down 800%
‘U Smile’ – The original
Sigur Rós sped up 800%
How to make your own Ambient epic
Tree roots and other things
Four decades of naked ladies

GeneralFriday, July 30th, 2010, (9:24 am)

A few months after my Grandmother passed away I got a letter from a law firm with a cheque enclosed. Yogi, as she was affectionately known in our family, had left her five grandchildren a small inheritance. This left me with a quandary I hadn’t expected; How can I make this gift really mean something.

Doris Bradley, aka Yogi.As I stood in my kitchen holding the letter printed on the kind of high grade paper you would expect a law firm to use, I felt a little strange looking at the cheque, almost uncomfortable, as if somehow I had cashed in my grandmother for a little bit of loot. Yogi wasn’t a rich lady by any means so it honestly hadn’t occurred to me that there might be even a small inheritance.

Make no mistake, I was not in the least bit ungrateful, just unsure as to what to do with this money. If I banked the cheque I knew it would just be swallowed up in the benign expenditure of day to day life, and I didn’t want my Grandmothers money to bleed away paying some boring bill or a portion of my monthly rent. I wanted to do something special with this money, something that she might have done herself, but what?

It then occurred to me that Yogi had always enjoyed hearing about my travels. The postcards that I sent her from various locations around the world were always on the wall when I visited her. Despite my asking she wasn’t one for telling her own stories, but she always seemed to enjoy mine, asking me how long it would take to get to this place or that, and what I had done while I was there. It seemed to me that Yogi enjoyed my wandering ways so I had the perfect idea of what to do with her final gift. I would travel.

Thanks to the emergence of low cost airlines the money she had left could go long way if spent wisely. So I purchased a pre-paid MasterCard and reserved it solely for the purpose of buying flights to places I’d never seen before.

Pretty soon I had booked two trips. First would be a weekend in Oslo, followed not long afterward with a trip to Italy, and all for the grand total of a little less that £40!

I was of course delighted at the bargain tickets, but also pleased that while she’s no longer around to send postcards to, Yogi gets to be a part of these trips, and at the price of these tickets I suspect she might be a part of quite a few more to come too.

Thanks Yogi!

Photography and TravelTuesday, July 20th, 2010, (7:05 pm)

I had been warned that the landing in Skiathos would involve a hard bump and the frantic application of air brakes that would hopefully bring us to a timely halt. The little Greek island barely has enough land to accommodate the planes that bring sun seeking tourists to its quiet golden beaches. As the wheels hit the runway the plane lurched for a moment, then we were thrust forward under the hard braking as a few nervous passengers actually screamed, their cries a mixture of shock and excitement.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

With the images of arriving rock stars and presidents in my mind, I always feel like waving when I step out of a plane onto the steep metal steps that lead a precarious path to the asphalt below. Of course, there are no heads of state to greet me, no adoring groupies, and no limos to whisk me away to some salubrious location. Instead I am met by the scowl of an immigration official in an ill fitting uniform sat behind a rickety desk that looks like it was stolen from an under budgeted high school. Behind him a faded poster that’s peeling off the wall reads ‘Welcome to Skiathos’ over a picture of a plane flying perilously low over the town that lies just beyond these airport walls.

Tourists scurry to waiting buses as quickly as they can, clamoring the relaxation of a vacation that will likely see them over-indulge in the sun they hope will give them an enviable tan to take back to their daily lives. Skiathos is very much a package paradise, but for the seasoned escape artist this tiny Greek Island in the middle of the Aegean Sea offers a little more than the run of the mill activities lapped up by the lobster red sun tan clan.

Skiathos

Skiathos

NO JACKET REQUIRED

I’m here for a wedding. Not a ‘Big Fat Greek Wedding,’ but the far more slender union of my friend Garry and his girlfriend, Kelly, who plan to enjoy a fairly informal wedding under the Greek sun with a few friends and family. Skiathos is their favorite vacation destination and Garry, already deeply tanned, is smiling broadly when he greets me at their hotel. He’s clearly very relaxed and has already enjoyed a few days on the island with Kelly.

For the next seven days the plan, according to the soon to be married couple, is to lay around on a beach and soak up the plentiful sun. However, something Garry neglected to tell me until just before we set off to meet Kelly at the beach, is that the particular beach they’re frequenting is “clothing optional.”

When Garry told me the wedding would be casual I imagined he meant ‘no jacket required.’ I didn’t realise that I would be required to proudly adorn my birthday suit. While I’m not adverse to a little nudity here and there I’ve never actually been to a clothing optional beach before so this would be a first for me. I know Garry fairly well, but I have only met Kelly once in passing, and here I am in Greece about to get to know this bride-to-be better than most brides I’ve ever met!

It’s been just a few hours since I left the dreary surroundings of Manchester airport, and here I am at Little Banana Bay, a ‘clothing optional’ beach on a Greek Island. Anyone who pictures a naked nirvana full of nubile tanned bodies skating the fine line between naturism and downright debauchery has, like me, probably never stepped foot on a nudist beach before.

Much of the nakedness one could cast a wandering eye across here looks more like a shoe leather convention and a demonstration of the unforgiving nature of gravity. It seems the while the facebook generation are willing to bare their souls online, not one of them is quite ready to bare their ass anywhere near here. However, I’m not complaining, it’s quiet, sunny, and relaxed… very relaxed!

The Greek island of Skiathos.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

EXPLORING THE ISLAND

As Islands go, visitors to Skiathos are spoiled for choice with a wide selection of sandy beaches around its 27 miles coastline. Most people tend to stay nearby the more populated areas of the island like Skiathos town and Troulos, but as much fun as sunbathing (clothed or otherwise) might be for some, I decide to rent a scooter/moped and explore the island instead.

Away from the golden beaches dirt tracks thread a wandering path through lush forests. Bright red fire trucks manned by sleeping greek men sit in various locations awaiting a call they no doubt hope never comes. A fire here would spread quickly and no doubt wreak unthinkable devastation.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

Having carefully watched ‘Long Way Round‘ I feel duly prepared for the rigors of off road riding. It’s true that a moped isn’t ideal for going too far off the beaten track, but my televisual training and generous helpings of over-confidence enable me to push ‘the ped’ to extremes. At times I find myself riding through deep sand, over loose rocks, through narrow woodland paths, and even across a couple of shallow rivers! My rental agreement probably forbids this kind of activity, but it’s only wrong if you get caught, right?

Along my route I run into a number of unoccupied chapels that are dotted across the island. Unlocked and unoccupied their walls are adorned with paintings depicting serious looking men with long beards and various people with tell-tale religious glows around their heads. Religion has always been a serious business in these parts I guess.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

THE WEDDING

As the wedding day rolls around it’s hard to imagine the bride, groom, and gathered guests could be any more relaxed. The ceremony itself is held in a small municipal court house at the Bourtzi fortress. Like any groom Garry waits nervously for his bride, and when Kelly eventually arrives her white wedding dress is only slightly more dazzling than her smile.

The ceremony itself is short, and after the “I do’s” the pair are married and happily posing for photographs in front of a paparazzi style gaggle of friends and relatives. From there we head to the reception and into the small hours.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

The Greek island of Skiathos.

In the end, like all sun kissed vacations, the week was over too quickly. As I boarded the plane bound for home the gate agent asks me, “Did you have fun?” “Oh yes.” I answer. “We’ll see you next year then?” He responds. I smile and show my boarding pass. Beach vacations aren’t really my kind of thing so it’s unlikely I’ll come back here anytime soon, but I had a lot of fun here in Skiathos and I’ll be taking some great memories home with me, so you never know… I might be back some day.

[Video] Wild Plane landings in Skiathos
[Video] My video from Skiathos
About Skiathos

Photography and TravelMonday, June 7th, 2010, (1:16 am)

I recently took a trip to Kraków in Poland and when I booked my ‘cheap-as-chips’ Ryanair flight I didn’t really know what the city had to offer. I chose to visit Kraków simply because it was one of the places I could travel to from my local airport, and at just £22.90 return (all-in) the flight was a bargain.

Krakow, Poland.

I had no idea what to expect as the wheels of the plane met the tarmac at Kraków airport with a familiar jolt. I had done absolutely no research at all aside a brief scan over an article someone sent me that hailed the city to be “Poland’s historic and cultural gem.” Everything I knew of Poland could have been written on the back of one of the stamps I would affix to postcards I’d send my niece and nephew.

Foolish as it now seems, I thought Poland would be cold, and dare I say, a little communist and grey in appearance. I had imagined square cars, utilitarian buildings, and people in uniforms with stern expressions on their hard faces to suit gruff accents familiar to those of villains from an old James Bond films. The reality though, could not have been further from that picture.

Krakow, Poland.

Under a blanket blue sky and basking in the warmth of a classic summers day, Kraków was about to take me by surprise. The walk from the train station to the center of the Old Town and the Main Market Square was a slow one as I carried the weight of my backpack and rued my decision to dress for cooler climes. Frequently stopping to look at the ancient buildings I was already impressed; humbled in fact, by my total ignorance of what this city clearly had to offer.

At the end of that street I turned the corner and walked onto the 13th century Market Square. Few cities in Europe, and maybe even the world, can boast a square as regal and impressive as this. It truly is a wonder and seeing it for the first time was an arresting experience. I put my bag down and just stood there consciously capturing the scene, soaking up the sounds, and savoring the moment.

Krakow, Poland.

Amid the tourists and locals hustling their way through the crowds, I met up with my couchsurfing friend, Stefan, who had kindly agreed to host me. Last year he visited me in Liverpool and had amused me with his overt enthusiasm for my city. So I was merely completing the circle as I exclaimed my genuine delight and awe at what I had seen so far of his hometown. He was busy at a conference, but we arranged to meet up that evening whereupon he would introduce me to his city by night.

With just two full days in the city I decided not to hit the tourist guide and attempt to rush around the ‘must-see’ sites. Instead I just wandered around the winding streets of the Old Town and Jewish quarter, allowing myself to stumble upon places of interest at a tempo befitting a carefree summer stroll. I wasn’t worried about missing some ‘essential’ landmarks, instead I wanted to discover Kraków at my own pace, as I have done with so many other cities across the world.

Krakow, Poland.

With lunch on my mind I found a small restaurant with tables outside primed for excellent people-watching opportunities. From here I could observe people going about their business, I could sit in the sun and make up stories for each of them. With a tall glass of Tyskie Polish beer shining like a block of gold on my table, I sat back in my chair and relaxed into Poland as the minutes melted away.

On the table next to me two men were talking business as a couple on a bench across the way kissed as if the rest of the world had disappeared. A young mother helped her child untangle a balloon from the handle of his stroller as an eco-taxi silently whispered by under the peddle power of its driver. A young boy fed pigeons as they fluttered and frenzied around him as if nobody else would ever throw them a crumb, and two nuns scurried by in their white habits, a religious uniform that surely Jesus himself would find utterly unflattering, but then again maybe that’s the point?

I’m always somewhat envious of countries that are able to have tables and chairs outside of their restaurants. I wonder if we British would be a more mellow and laid back people if we were able to eat ‘Alfresco’ without always having to adorn coats or be prepared to make a mad dash for cover when the heavens open.

My lunch was a delicious bowl of soup as recommended by the waitress who assured me this was a “truly Polish dish.” Żurek z kiełbasą is a Polish style soup with sausage and egg. This was probably one of the best soups I have ever tasted, or so I thought at the time. However, not to take anything away from the exquisite soup, I wonder if perhaps all food tastes just that little bit better when it’s enjoyed under the mellow warmth of the summer sun.

I continued my stroll around the labyrinth of the medieval streets and through some of the lush green public gardens that enclose Kraków’s Old Town in a beautiful two-mile-plus tree lined path. Along the way there were old men in traditional costume playing old Polish folk music on trumpets, clarinets, and accordions.

I bought a swirling chocolate and vanilla ice-cream and continued my aimless amble, stopping here and there to snap pictures that would become my travel trophies, proof that I was here.

I stopped frequently in small coffee shops to rest my feet and sip espressos while the smell of ground coffee beans danced with the swirls of cigarette smoke wafting from the tables of people whom I chose to imagine were artists and poets, regardless of the truth.

Krakow, Poland.

Krakow, Poland.

As the evening drew on, and the shadows of the horse drawn carriages stretched across market square, the passing of another hour came around again. Like every passing hour before, it was announced by a bugle call from the tower of St Mary’s Church. The notes ring out across the square then come to an abrupt end. I was listening carefully because I learned that the sudden end of the bugle call is to commemorate a trumpeter who was shot through the throat at that very location by a invading Tatar archer in 1241 when the Mongols besieged the city. It’s funny what history chooses to remember.

That evening I met up with Stefan and we headed out for some drinks. This is where couchsurfing trumps any tour book or Lonely Planet guide. Nothing beats having a local show you their city. It’s extremely unlikely I would have found the places Stefan took me as most of them seemed to be down dimly lit stairs into elaborately decorated basement bars. The most outlandish of them was called Łódź Kaliska in which the walls were emblazoned with arty pictures of naked ladies and mirrors that left me feeling disoriented while I was still completely sober!

Krakow, Poland.

Krakow, Poland.

Krakow, Poland.

The next day I explored the Jewish Kazimierz neighborhood. It has something of a chilling history because during the Holocaust the neighborhood was walled in and its residents were slowly removed to concentration camps. I walked into a number of the old apartment buildings that seemed to groan under the weight of the history they hold.

I spent much of the day exploring the cities many churches and looking up at graphic depictions of the wounded Christ upon the cross. I find it a little strange that Catholics like to depict their God in this most ungodly moment of weakness. I guess that’s some religious thing, but a part of me felt a sorry for him as I looked at the various statues of him suspended in torturous pain nailed to the crucifix. From a PR point of view it’s a disaster which, I suppose, is why the Church of England removed him from the cross and started depicting him as a guy who spent a lot of time walking around with sheep and an inconvenient glow emanating from his head.

Krakow, Poland.

As the second day came to an end, Stefan and I again hit the bars. In the old Jewish neighborhood he took me to a bar that had record players, vintage radios, and old bicycles hung upon its walls. Another one that felt more like an art gallery that was moonlighting as a bar, and one was so dark I imagine that it would make little difference if you were blind drunk.

Krakow, Poland.

Krakow, Poland. Blue van sausages. --- Thanks for watching the slideshow. I love hearing your comments so please consider taking the time to leave a comment.

After a few more bars in the Old Town we were done, it was late and having missed the last tram back to his apartment we had to walk to the bus stop. Along the way Stefan was keen to bring my time in his city to a fitting gastronomical finale with a Polish sausage from the “blue van” parked through the night at Hala Targowa marketplace.

Apparently the “Blue van” is a near legend among the locals, and really, what better way to end a night, and indeed a trip like this, than to eat meat out of a van cooked over an open fire right there on the side of the road by two shifty looking Polish men in white coasts. Yes, that sounds just about perfect if you ask me.

Kraków walks
MSNBC looks at Kraków

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