I spent the weekend in Birmingham (UK) trying to avoid the nasty wind and rain by going to the Mall with my friend Will.

I hate Malls on the whole. It’s in those places where my position in the grand scheme of things is made very frikkin clear indeed. I am a consumer, and if I’m not spending money then would I please get out of the way of the people who are thank you.

It’s actually more fun to go to the mall and watch people scurrying around. To walk around anonymously and catch the shards of conversations as people pass by.

“He said if I wore that he’d fuckin dump me, can you believe that shit!?” said one fat girl who I sincerely hope didn’t wear anything that revealed any more than a plunging neck line.
“What a bastard. Like he can talk” Her friend replied. “He needs a good slap if you ask me, I think you should tell him to go fuck himself.”
“Yeah, I might.”
Hmm. Call me judgemental but I can’t see the guy in question being heartbroken over losing this charmer and her friend.

Another couple walked past debating the purchase of what I assume was a very expensive TV.
“It’s on offer though.” He pleads
“Do I look stupid to you, did you wake up this morning and think you were married to Miss Bimbo UK or something?!”
He laughs coyly and retorts “But imagine how good it would be when we play DVD’s and stuff. The thing we have at the moment isn’t anywhere near as good.”
“So what exactly are we going to do with the old one now then, and let me remind you that’s not even out of it’s bloody warranty yet – Darling!”
I’m feeling bad for the guy as he continues pleading what looks like a losing case.
“I’d sell that no problem – Dear. Plus, Eddie said he’d buy it.”
“Hang on, I thought you’d only just seen it just now.”
“Well yeah, but Eddie said…”
“How did Eddie even know about you selling the other one if you only just saw it?”
They take to the elevator and I don’t follow. Though I assume the new TV or whatever it was didn’t end up getting purchased.

A little girl to her father who is waiting outside a lingerie shop.
“It’s pretty that isn’t it Daddy.” She points to the skimpiest pink lingerie on a mannequin in a rather provocative pose. The Dad looks at the mannequin and raises his eyebrows obviously understanding the suggestion of the pose.
“Yes, that’s very pretty.” he replies returning his attention to a leaflet he’s reading.
“Mummy likes those doesn’t she Daddy?”
He takes another look at the mannequin then with a smile on his face says to his daughter “We can but hope darling, we can but hope.”

Conversation dipping is a fun way to kill an otherwise dull few moments in a busy shopping mall. I’d highly recommend it.

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Picture taken by me in Selfridges department store in Birmingham’s new ‘Bull ring.’

I’ve written some other ‘people watching’ material at my ‘real’ website. See…
Tickets please – Finding inspiration on the 16:34 to Liverpool.
On a bus to Seattle – My trend of writing on while in transit continues.