I spoke with my Mom today about my Grandparents who you may recall are both in hospital. My Granddad is making a swift recovery from the ‘superbug’ that it now turns out was not MRSA but a strain of that virus. They’re both going to be 85 in the next couple of weeks, just after my birthday.
My Granddad is a strong old man. A WWII veteran who fought in Africa at something like 19 years of age. He’s seen a lot in his life. I remember taking my computer down to Essex to show him live pictures from Mars that NASA were streaming from the first rover that landed back in 97. He blew me away back then when he sat back in his chair and quietly asked “So these pictures are coming live from Mars?” “Yes” I explained “They have something like a four minute delay on them.” He shook his head and said “Well now, isn’t that something, pictures from the planet Mars.”
He seemed really pleased. Then he said “When I was a kid growing up in London the man on our street that everyone envied was the guy who owned a horse and cart. Cars were around, but you never saw them. In my life I’ve seen the coming of cars, telephones, passenger jets, a moon landing, computers, a space ship that can come and go to space as often as it pleases, the internet and now live pictures beamed from the planet mars into our home.” I was blown away by that. Here was an old guy who I knew just as Granddad, but who had lived a life full of more change than many of us could even begin to imagine. I mean London without cars!!
My Grandmother, whom is affectionally known to the family as ‘Yogi’ for a reason I know not, is not doing so well. When she hit 80 years old she developed a rather unreasonable fear of retirement homes and old age. so much so that she stopped venturing outside and walked around their home less and less. This put an enormous burden of care upon my Granddad who helped hide her inactivity and fears from their daughter, my Mom. It all came to a head of course in November when Yogi was rushed into hospital very sick indeed.
Basically the Doctors want her to start walking again. Her mobility is her power, but she is scared of having a fall, and being admitted to sheltered accommodation, the place where old people go to die. The problem currently is that she has had such little movement in the last few years that she has developed some blood poisoning which has given her mild dementia.
In a recent visit to the hospital she told my Mom that child had died on their ward that day. She is in a private room and there are no children in that wing of the hospital. She then began to cry so Mom comforted her and asked her what was wrong. She answered “I think it might have been my baby.” This shocked and upset my Mom as you might imagine. The next day they had much the same conversation again.
I guess we have to face the fact that they are getting on, and these are the final years of their lives. but I don’t want my Grandmother to become some batty old dear who sits in a hospital crying over non-existent dead babies. I want her to stand up, and walk! To grab the remaining time by the horns and live her life as well as she can. I want her to not be a burden on my Granddad who has aged dramatically in the last five years, turning from a ‘sprightly old falla’ into an old man who doesn’t really resemble the man I knew as Granddad.
I know they’re getting on, and in many ways 85 years old is a pretty good innings. But when they eventually go out I want it to be with a few more runs under their belt. And if God is reading this, then he can consider that a prayer.
Wrote the following comment on Jan 7, 2005 at 5:28 pm
It’s so nice to hear someone speak so highly of their grandparents. People don’t seem to realize what a wonderful legacy they provide.
Wrote the following comment on Jan 8, 2005 at 1:25 pm
I miss my grandmother, i didn’t ever know any other grandparents – they were all dead by the time i came along. Well, apart from my paternal grandfather, who i met once when i was 3, he died soon after.A Capricorn too, eh? Welcome to the fold, my friend. :-)
Wrote the following comment on Jan 8, 2005 at 5:58 pm
glad to hear that he is doing better…..i am sorry to hear that she however is still ailing……like the others it is nice to see someone who loves the old ones……and by the way great pics……..you and your gf make a great looking couple…..~froggie
Wrote the following comment on Jan 10, 2005 at 4:54 am
even though, as a kid, i enjoyed the company of my grandparents, they came to mean much more to me when i saw them with “adult” eyes; by that i mean, i viewed them as people, with their own lives, and not just my grandparents (much like yr moment with yr grandad and the pictures of mars). i’m incredibly thankful for this realization, because it made me appreciate these amazing people even more.my grandmother is passing from this earth as i type this (she may already be gone), and last night i kept staring at this photo i have of her at age 20. she’s vibrantly beautiful, with an easy smile and lively glint in her eye. the photo was taken during ww2 when she was volunteering in ireland & scotland, helping to build airplanes. i can barely imagine what her life was like… but i am so blessed to have known her, to share the same blood.
Wrote the following comment on Jan 10, 2005 at 8:36 am
The thing about old people is that you never quite realise that you’re on the way to the same place. One day your skin will be like paper and you’ll go everywhere slower. Your body will start to break down and eventually you’ll pass on, just like old people do.
I’ve thought about that a lot in the last couple of years. About how final death is and how the memory of our lives don’t actually last that long.
Of course now we’re living in a time where memories can have the possibility of lasting a lot longer. With cameras and video footage being cheap and easy these days, collecting memories is far easier than before, so the chance that you’ll be watched on video or wave at someone from a photograph years after you have left the earth, is far more likely.
But the truth right now is this. I have no idea who my great grandparents were. Nana Veasey was my great grandmother. I remember her as a frail old lady who would talk to her TV (when the new anchorman said Good Evening, this is the news from the BBC, she would greet him back) and to her Canary. She lived in a tiny little house that was nearby a playground where neighborhood kids would play on swings and rounderbouts.
I remember her as being tall, though I would only have been very small myself as she died when I was still very young. To me she was just a really old lady who my Mom and ‘Yogi’ knew and seemed to make a fuss about. I remember she was stern and that I didn’t like it when she kissed me.
On my Grandfathers side there was ‘Auntie Lou’ and ‘Uncle Elf’. Of course they weren’t my actual Aunt and Uncle, but I suppose we merely adopted what my Mom called them? It didn’t strike me as strange until 2001 that Uncle Elf had such an odd name. I was sitting in a car with my friend Karen in Blackpool recounting a story about them, when I thought “Uncle Elf, that’s a strange name for an Englishman?”
I called Yogi (my Grandmother) and asked her what Uncle Elf’s full name was. “Alfred,” she informed me. But with the London accents I had always heard his name as “Elf” rather than “Alf”. The thing is, no one ever bothered correcting me. So in cards and thank you letters I would write him as a child, I would always write to Uncle Elf. :-)
Wrote the following comment on Jan 10, 2005 at 11:13 am
uncle elf. that is wonderful. for a long time, i called my grandmother “Mangaw”, which was my mixed-up way of saying “grandma”. i mean, this went on for years. i’m sure my parents thought i was brain damaged. then, one day, i asked myself why i was calling her Mangaw… and realized the error of my pronunciation. so then i just started calling her “Mama Helen” like everyone else.
Wrote the following comment on Jan 10, 2005 at 12:58 pm
Uncle Elf had been dead for over 15 years by the time I figured out his actual name!