I have to fire my cleaner. She’s a terrible racist for a start, but quite apart from that she utterly sucks at her job. She didn’t use to, but familiarity breeds contempt they say, and over time she has gotten into the habit of spending less and less time here, speeding up the time by taking grubby shortcuts.
My cleaner, or housemaid as an American friend once referred to her, calls black people “nig nogs” and when I talked to her about raising money for African aid she went on for ages about how she “doesn’t give money to black charities.”
That conversation was deeply offensive and I should have just fired her right then and there I suppose. However, every time I’ve decided to fire her something awful happens in her life. First, her little boy had some terrible medical problem that restricted his breathing. Then her marriage hit the rocks. Then her father died a slow and gruesome death from cancer.
Each time I’ve been ready to fire I then learn of the latest disaster and I just feel like I can’t add to that. In the last two years, you can see the stress of her life has taken its toll. She used to be a larger lady, but worry and stress have meant she’s lost pounds, and now she’s slim. (There’s something to be said for stress and dieting perhaps?)
But the last time she was here she pissed me off by going on for ages about me getting married.
“You need to find yourself a good woman Simon, settle down and get married, have a family, that’s what you need to do.” She said.
“Really?” I answered, “Do I seem unhappy to you?”
“Well no, but you’re getting on a bit now and so you should get married, start a family, settle down, and all that.”
I felt like saying something like “Oh yeah, good idea, I mean that’s worked out so well for you!” But I resisted.
“Well okay then,” I answered sarcastically, “I’ll go out this afternoon, down to the wife shop and I’ll find me a nice wife then.”
“You know what I mean.” She said in an annoyed tone.
“Well, I’m not sure I do. I think you’re implying that we’re not complete unless we’re married, and that I have somehow reached my ‘due date’ and that if I don’t get married this year or very soon then I’m a big ol’ loser.”
“All’s I’m saying Si, is that you’re not getting any younger,” she said.
“Well gee, aren’t I? I am glad you pointed that out, see cuz I thought I was,” I answered with a laugh.
I was happy to leave the conversation there as I turned back to my keyboard and carried on with work. But typical for her in a situation like this, she just couldn’t put it down, and instead decided to push the subject a little more.
“Well all’s I’m saying is that you can’t be single forever Si.”
I couldn’t help myself. I had to respond. “Oh, you can’t? Who says? Is there a law that I am unaware of?”
“For happiness I suppose is what I’m saying.” She explained.
“Oh, happiness. So what you’re saying is that I need to hurry out and find myself a nice wife because if I don’t I’ll not continue to be happy?”
“Well Si, you’re not getting any younger. Girls won’t look at you when you’re old.”
“Tell that to Sean Connery,” I replied.
“Well, he’s got money,” came her perhaps predictable reply.
“So let me get this straight, the only thing that makes girls find Sean Connery attractive is the fact he’s got money?” I asked.
“Well, it helps.”
“So, by your standards, I need to hurry out this afternoon and get a wife from somewhere, any old wife will do. Then I need to bring her back here, marry her, impregnate her, buy a fucking ford escort, and this is the key to a happy life that I cannot possibly attain unless I follow those steps. Because one day I’ll be old and gray and unless I have money I won’t be able to find a woman who would want to spend any time with me?”
She laughed and said, “Well something like that.”
Maybe I should have just stopped there, but now I was angry. So I decided, rather unfairly I suppose, to continue.
“So Wendy. Marriage is the key to happiness then? So how come your marriage is so unhappy? I mean you’ve said before that you hate Steve [her husband], so how does hating the person you married lead to this happiness you’re talking about?” I asked.
“Oh eh Si, that’s a little unfair,” She responded.
She was right of course. It was unfair, but I listen to her go on like this week in and week out and I usually just nod and let her go on but today I wasn’t going to let this deeply unhappy woman preach to me about how much happier I could be when I feel like I have a great life, and if marriage is around the corner then sobeit, if not then sobeit too!
“Why is it unfair Wend? When have I ever told you I am unhappy? When have you ever got the sense I might be unhappy? When was the last time I told you how the weight of life is getting me down? I think you’ll find I have never done that. Yet you’ve probably never once come here without telling me something that’s shit in your life. You’re always facing some tragedy or some disaster and by your own admission, your marriage is a joke! So you’ll forgive me when I get a little irked that you feel justified in giving me advice about how I might obtain the happiness that you don’t have.”
She was kind of stunned. She put her hands on her hips and said “Well say what you think won’t you Si.” Then I realized I had probably just really hurt her. So I backpedaled a bit saying I didn’t mean to be nasty but that I am actually very happy in life.
She shrugged it all off and changed the subject. Outwardly she’s made of nails, but inside I think she’s falling apart, and as she went on her way I felt bad that I’d just said what I had.
Part of me wishes I could have been more diplomatic, but then she’s my cleaner, not my friend, and had she not said anything to me about how I might be more happy we probably wouldn’t have gotten into that whole thing anyway.
So how the heck can I fire her now? I feel bad about what I said, no matter how true it was. If I fire her it’s going to seem very personal, when really it is mostly because she’s a crap cleaner! The problem comes in that I would still see her once a week as she cleans the hairdressing salon downstairs, so when she cleans the conservatory I often see her.
Maybe I’ll give it two or three more weeks. But in that time you just know there will be an all-new disaster in her life.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 9:09 am
I’ve struggled for a long while as to how to fire my cleaning lady. Her work has been deteriorating for some time and her dependibility is awful.
Unfortunately for her, but good for me, her children found the stash of gin bottles and shipped Mom off for a period of Rehab.
Don’t let your feelings cripple your ability to act.
Note that that is sound advice that I couldn’t quite take myself.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 5:59 am
Maybe you should buy her a book about Karma. Sounds like she spews vile and get gets it vomited back at her. I think some people feel better when they’re putting others down. It’s sad really. I don’t know how old you are… but honestly I would rather be happy alone than miserable with someone else.*Hugs*
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 6:26 am
Not that you asked me….but I’d bring up African aid fundraising again, and when she says something incredibly hateful and stupid ~ which it sounds a sure bet she will ~ there’s your opportunity.
Actually, I probably would have freaked out the first time but you clearly have more self-control than I do
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 6:58 am
“Well, you see Wend, the reason I don’t want a wife is ’cause then she’d do all of my cleaning, and I wouldn’t need you… and I really want to keep you, seeing as how you’re such an awesome worker.”
Do you think she’ll hear the sarcastic undertone?
People are always coming up with tragic events in their lives. And it’s not fair. She senses you’re not happy with her and this is why she rants about how her life is so awful. Well, you’re not her guardian angel. It’s good to have compassion, but not to the point where they use it to manipulate you. Quid pro quo. I would give her her two weeks notice (maybe you can tell her you can’t afford it anymore?), and hope she finds a job better suited to her personality. Tough? Sure. And that’s life.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 7:42 am
In all fairness, for her to give unsolicited advice like that she should be prepared to handle the response. But she’s probably the type of person who has some fairly limited life experience yet wants to put her two cents worth in any chance she can get. Strange she doesn’t realize that her livelihood depends on people who will make very different life choices than she did. Personal issues aside, you have reason to fire her if she is bad at cleaning. If I had to deal with her, I would wait until we had a positive conversation (even if I had to grit my teeth through it) and then give her notice. So she would not look to the last exchange as the reason. But really, she’ll think what she will and even if you fire her on a (somewhat) good note you’ll still see her when she cleans up the hairdresser’s. And she might tell people you’re a jerk but chances are people think the same of her as you do and they won’t pay any attention.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 11:16 am
Isn’t it interesting that, in spite of her miserable, failed marriage, she still thinks that marriage is an important key to happiness? She sounds pretty typical to me. It’s good to continue to hope, though, even when our world is falling apart. Most people want to have someone in their life, dare I say a soul mate? It seems to be the human condition. As for me, maintaining a happy marriage is one of the most challenging endeavors I’ve ever undertaken, but it’s been worth it.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 11:39 am
i’ve wondered similar things too, but not about cleaning persons. what if the point of her being in your life wasn’t about the cleaning? sounds like a waste of money, but what if it wasn’t about the money? eh, too much?
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 3:26 pm
wow, your post is kinda funny for me to read after the link i just posted on my site.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 3:34 pm
by the way, sean connery is HOT and it has nothing to do with his money.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 24, 2006 at 7:09 am
I think that you should 1) fend of the marriage topic by telling her you’re gay, and 2) as soon as she acts at all put off by that, fire her for being intolerant.No, kidding. I think you should just fire her ass without explanation. It’s your flat, and she doesn’t seem like someone who should be allowed in.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 23, 2006 at 11:12 pm
oh just marry me already!!
Wrote the following comment on Feb 24, 2006 at 1:56 pm
I like the idea of pretending you’re gay. :-) If you’re seriously afraid to fire her, make careful notes in the next week about all the cleaning things she does wrong. (i.e. Didn’t get the corners in the bathroom while mopping.) Then you have written proof that you’re firing her because of her cleaning ability and nothing personal.
Wrote the following comment on Feb 25, 2006 at 11:55 am
You can’t fire her after now – it’s just to interesting of a relationship to dispose of so quickly. She is a character that needs to be studied, wrestled with, and maybe even changed. See it as a workshop in communication. Who cares if the sink is a little dirtier than it should be – this woman is a human who needs you to help her mature.By the way, that’s the best damn post on society’s obsession with marriage I’ve ever read. Kudos!
Wrote the following comment on Feb 26, 2006 at 7:07 am
Hi I saw your xanga through 30 something and your introduction about the shoes made me laugh, I just thought I would say hi
Robyn