“What can I get you?” Asks the girl behind the counter at starbucks. I try to avoid Starbucks wherever possible, but sometimes you just want to sit in a coffee house and it’s not like there’s a spectacular choice here in the UK, especially at 6:30pm on a Friday.
“I’ll get one of those I think.” I say as I point to the poster of the daily offering on the wall behind the counter. Enjoy a Cinnamon Dolce Latte, is says. It looks okay, though that whipped cream is probably not the healthiest choice I could make, but then it’s Friday, so this is the weekend, and weekends are set aside for indulgences, right?
“What size would you like, love?” She asks. I’m not great with choices. It’s a terrible affliction for a person living in this day and age to have. Mocha, latte, flavor, size, stay in, or to go, these are all choices and even if I’ve had plenty of time I still find myself feeling caught like a rabbit in the glare of a cars headlights as it speeds toward me.
“Oh.. err…. well now I can’t remember what the sizes are. You have funny words for them don’t you?” She picks up the mugs and shows me with a broad smile and theatrical pose. Her colleague adds that she just calls them small, medium, or large, “Because people understand that don’t they.”
“I’ll get the small then, or tall if you like.” I say. She repeats my order and her colleague tells me the price. “Can I pay with my card?” I ask. “Oh I don’t know, should we let him pay with his card Jeanine?” She mischievously asks the girl making the drink who just laughs. “Yes love, you can pay with your card.” I put it in the machine and she says “Lets have your number then hun.” The girl making my drink breaks out laughing as the cashier follows that with “I mean put your pin number in the machine, but you can give me your number if you like love.” More laughter as the barrister exclaims “Carly, you’re terrible you are!” Ah yes, the Friday evening flirt. Fridays are great aren’t they.
I take my drink, which has been up-sized to a large by the way, and find an armchair by the window. This particular Starbucks is inside a Borders book store so I’ve picked up a copy of ‘The Gum Thief‘ by Douglas Coupland. My plan is to read at little of it, but in reality I’m just here to chill out for a while, so I’ll probably not read much at all before returning the book to the shelf and heading home.
The familiar coffee house machine noises fill the air as the barrister calls out various drinks in a loud voice to people waiting at the end of the bar for their drinks. She probably doesn’t need to shout that loudly, but for all I know it could be a company policy to holla out the names of tasty sounding drinks in an effort to implant the menu into our subconscious.
I read the first few pages of the book. I like Douglas Coupland, though I have the attention span of a 3 year old in places like this. I’m watching people scurry past in purposeful strides, looking at the couples wondering how they met, and yes, I’ll confess I’m also checking out the pretty girls looking in the shop window across the way.
The book is interesting, maybe I’ll buy it and read more of it while lounging on my couch over the weekend. That sounds like a good idea. Oh but ouch! It’s £10.99! A paperback book surely can’t cost £10.99! I wonder, is it this price because it’s a good book, or is this the price of books these days?
It’s a Grand Prix weekend too, the first of the season in fact, so the truth is that my couch time over the weekend will likely be spent watching formula one race cars drive around the circuit in Melbourne, Australia. I’d like to think I could watch the race then read the book, but who am I trying to kid.
A fat lady waddles past the window. I don’t mean to stare but my goodness that is a huge ass! How does a person drag an ass that big around with them? It almost looks as if she’s got other things stuffed into the side of her pants there. I wonder, are fat asses more comfortable to sit on than regular asses? I appreciate this really isn’t highbrow coffee house thinking, but that really is a huge ass and as she walks it looks like a pillow fight taking place under a blanket.
A man in a suit walks past holding a bunch of flowers. He looks very serious which makes me wonder if that’s an apologetic bouquet rather than a romantic gesture? In the other direction two girls walk together both thumbing their mobile phones and not talking to one another, they’re oblivious to the young man walking past them, his head turning to check them out from behind as they pass him. He then sees me looking at him and we both look away, busted!
I take a sip of my drink. I’ve been trying to figure out how I can drink this without getting the whipped cream on my nose. “Tall cappuccino, tall lattee.” Shouts a barrister.
It’s getting much busier now. I think I’ll read some more of ‘The Gum Thief.’ Maybe I will buy it. But then again it’s £10.99! Oh decisions decisions.
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Starbucks gossip
Starbucks ‘f*ck off’ logo
The Gum Thief by Douglas Coupland
Douglas Coupland’s website
Another reason to hate Starbucks
McCorporation Nation
Long hours little pay
Atomic Cafe
It’s seven thirty
Wrote the following comment on Mar 14, 2008 at 11:42 pm
this was a great post. funny and enjoyable. :)
Wrote the following comment on Mar 15, 2008 at 12:59 am
an enjoyable friday read, and absolutely free. have a lovely weekend.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 15, 2008 at 7:11 am
this was a cute post. starbucks has to be famous for flirting….i see it/experience it all the time. Or at least, witty banter- my personal favorite. I think the latter is part of their customer service which i would guess they put a lot into perfecting.
as far as the serious guy goes, he probably just has a very good job and money. I notice a lot of men like that keep a very stoic appearance in public.
as far as catching the guy checking out the girl…. i once did that to a guy checking me out. I walked by and i just KNEW he was going to turn around and check out my bum. SO, i turned around at the same time he turned to check out. I busted him. it was great.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 15, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Well Rachel, I hope he smiled at you and you at him. So maybe then the fat lady was once the owner of a non-descrpt ass that atttracted no attention at all, so she decided to begin a ass enhancement program which got a little out of control. I mean she was fat, but I’m not kidding when I say that her ass was several sizes larger than what you would expected, even for a fat lady! It looked like she had a couch in her pants!
Wrote the following comment on Mar 15, 2008 at 2:15 pm
hmmmm… i wasnt referring to you staring at the fat lady… to be truthful i often catch myself starring when i see large people or things that are different from the norm.
I thought you were saying that the guy was checking out the girls with the mobiles… cause that’s how it reads, or maybe i misread your comment above?
anyways, no the guy was shocked and i gave him a, ‘come on..’ look. he checked me as i walked by because he knew my back would be turned. Its not socially polite or respectful as a stranger, to turn around and just stare at someone’s ass, as you know. I took that approach with it.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 15, 2008 at 2:17 pm
This sounds like a nice Friday to me. :o)
Wrote the following comment on Mar 15, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I knew what you were saying Rachel :-)
I’ll agree that it’s not polite to turn around and stare at anyone, let alone their ass. But I don’t think the guy you caught were starring mouth open at your ass. I think you caught him taking a quick backward glance. No harm meant or done. If you had caught me I would have smiled at you and looked away. Way of the world my dear, way of the world.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 15, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Great post dude! It’s always bothered me that Starbucks have such stupid names for their drink sizes. Now, if you had been really clever you would have linked that book title to your Amazon wishlist! :-)
I actually laughed out loud at your admission of the ass thoughts not being “highbrow coffee house thinking.” Our local coffee spot is called the Laughing Goat Coffeehouse (great name huh!) and my wife and I sometimes sit outside there people watching and laughing at the very un-highbrow observations we make.
Oh, and I also enjoyed reading the links to Long Hours Little Pay and It’s Seven Thirty by the way. Great stuff. This blog of yours has turned out to be a really enjoyable find, so props to you dude.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 15, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Coincidentally, I was in Borders the other day, where I was in the mood for something in the social critique genre, and after cruising over hundreds of titles I finally opted for a book titled “The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less”. After I pulled this book off the shelf, I went to the in-house cafe where I was also faced with many choices. Fortunately, there was no one behind me as I contemplated all the possible drink and food options, trying to determine what I was in the mood for and what combinations would correspond with that mood. I finally decided on a Cafe Americano and a friggin-huge, chocolate chip cookie. I wanted to order a vanilla latte, but the combination of the sweet latte with the sweet cookie seemed overwhelming, so I decided on the Americano.
After all of this, I sat down and read the book, which basically laid out why all the choices we currently have are undermining the quality of our lives by creating paralysis, break down in commitment by offering too much open-endedness, and fear that we should have gone with another option. All the while I was reading, I couldn’t help but think that the coffee cookie combination was too much and that I would probably have been happier with the latte.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 16, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Doug, I didn’t even think of linking to my my Amazon wishlist, but hey, there it is now :-)
I like The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse in Boulder, Colorado, I assume that’s the one you mean? That’s a great coffee house. I’ve sat out front there myself on occasions.
Anthony, you need to watch this video. You’ll see why.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 16, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Are you kidding, you’ve been the The Laughing Goat? I’m having a crazy “Of all the gin joints in all the world” moment here. LOL!
Well Simon, I’ve granted you a wish so watch your mailbox this week, and happy reading dude.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 17, 2008 at 12:55 am
well i was really just giving a story of a gotcha moment… as you did above.But to be clear, first, I am fully aware of the way of the world on this subject :) and second, just because its the way of the world, doesnt mean i have to enjoy it or like it.
This was really a minor thing though.. didnt rock my boat. .but still, wanted to be clear on those two points.
Wrote the following comment on Mar 17, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Doug, you bought me that book!? Now I feel embarrassed for putting the wishlist link on. I wasn’t suggesting that anyone should but it for me, but hey, I am flattered that you have. So I will just graciously say thank you and carry on smiling to myself, because after all, who doesn’t like getting unexpected gifts! :-)
Wrote the following comment on Mar 18, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Ah the Friday night flirt, not like you Simon ; )
Sounds like a pretty good time, coffee house times, are some of the best!
Hope you are well mate?
Wrote the following comment on Mar 18, 2008 at 8:37 pm
If you think 10.99 is bad for a book, try $700 for a pair of shoes!
Wrote the following comment on Mar 18, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Took the Gum Thief to Belfast with me this weekend with very good intentions toi read it, but I just happened to have a DVI to HDMI cable the the hotel room had a 50″ Samsung. Sopranos series 6 in 2 days! Credit to room service or I’d have starved ;-)
Wrote the following comment on Mar 19, 2008 at 10:08 am
Not exactly a ringing endorsement of Belfast that Mark :-)
Wrote the following comment on Mar 20, 2008 at 11:51 am
SimoN! First of all, thank you very much for your comment, it was really nice to see you in my blog. I always read yours.
Incredibly, last saturday I did the same in Madrid: at 8 a.m i was still in the street and i found a starbucks. Not too many people ar first, but when you are almost sleeping in the coffee house, a lot of people start to come and you feel free to gossip about everyone.. haha
Thanks again :)
Kiss