Tell me, is this a male thing or am I just a heartless bastard when I confess that I find babies a little boring?

A friend of mine once told me that he wasn’t all that excited about his newborn daughter because she wasn’t yet fully able to interact with him on any truly meaningful level. It was an admission which he later denied, but one which I totally related to.

Make no mistake, it’s not that I dislike babies. Far from it! In fact I am a big fan of the process by which babies are made, and if practice makes perfect then after all these years of practicing I could potentially have a pretty damn near perfect baby one day.

Should that happen then maybe I will develop the curious skill of being able to make out my baby in one of those grainy black and white sonogram ultrasound scans. I have yet to see a baby in one of those pictures so in the event of being shown one I tend to look at it intently while I silently count to 20 or something.

Truth is I was never any good at those ‘magic eye’ pictures that you’re supposed to stare at and wait for the hidden scene to reveal itself to you, and I think sonogram pictures might very well use the same technology.

However, for theatrical purposes I tilt my head to the side a little, squint, and slightly change the angle of the picture. Then, after an appropriate time for thorough inspection of said picture, and usually some assistance ‘seeing’ the baby from the proud mother, I exclaim excitedly ‘Oh yeah! Wow, how cute!’ Of course, this is all for show because once again the magic eye sonogram will reveal no such baby to me.

I sometimes wonder, yet dare not ask, if the men involved in the pregnancy are really as excited as their partner when they look at that fuzzy black and white picture. Do they fake their excitement through fear of admitting that they can’t see the baby? Or perhaps there is a ‘how to’ guide within the pages of those pregnancy books that new parents always seem to have in abundance.

One part of the whole pregnancy process which I imagine is a lot of fun is choosing a name for your baby. Armed with books and old family names to consider, I know some people who are currently doing just that. To them, and indeed anyone else searching for the perfect name for their child, I would like to suggest, a website I came across a while back on a design showcase. The site allows you to pick a name by tradition, or personality trait. You can also search for the meaning of any given name.

Of course, my friends might already have names in mind, names which they gave to imaginary children years ago. That’s not uncomman. In fact my own imaginary son is called ‘Boston’ purely because the name ‘Boston Jones’ just sounds so cool to me. As you might expect though, my imaginary wife isn’t at all enthralled by my suggestion.

In the end though, regardless of the name, the grainy sonograms, the design of the creche, and the cute little clothes, I still find babies a little boring. They poop and cry and as charming as that might be it’s a charm that is mostly lost on me.

I doubt I’m the only person who feels this way, though I may be among only a few who dare admit such a social sin. I suspect that might all change should I ever become a parent, and in fact I would very much hope it does.
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