Dear God.

I suck at praying, but then you would already know that wouldn’t you.

I would imagine that listening to prayers takes up a lot of your time these days. I hope that the majority of them are better than the feeble meadering rubbish that I send your way.

I would imagine that listening to me pray must be a pretty tedious task. Between devotional stuff, heartfelt requests, thanks and other stuff, you probably have to listen to all kinds of other stuff in my head. Cars, girls, work, sports, weather, girls again, etc. Sorry about that. I suck at praying. I just hope that you don’t suck at listening.

Are prayers like podcasts for you? Prayercasts maybe? Do you have favorites? I guess you would probably tune into the Pope wouldn’t you? He thinks he has a red phone like the bat phone in Gotham city, but I’m not so sure myself. If he does then I think he needs to get an engineer to look at it because he has said some pretty whacky stuff over the years.

I wonder who else you would tune into. Do you hear all those TV evangelist types? People like Joel Osteen and the ironically named Revd. Dollar? Seriously, a prosperity preacher called Revd. Dollar? You would think people could see the writing on the wall, wouldn’t you.

You probably like the the prayers of little children I bet. “Dear God, please can I have a new puppy for my birthday.” In squeaky cute kid voices I would imagine those prayers could be quite enchanting.

I didn’t talk to you as a little kid so you didn’t get to hear my squeaky voice. I think I was a teenager the first time you heard from me. My first prayers to you were probably something along the lines of “Dear God, I have done absolutely no preperation for this geography test and I couldn’t point to Belgium on a map. So could you please do a miracle for me and make me an expert in geography so that I get a really great mark and don’t get busted for doing no preperation or work. Thanks, Amen and all that.”

Of course, you never did turn me into an expert of any of my school subjects, so yeah, thanks for that!

My folks used to tell me that school was important and that I needed to do well. I guess the reason you didn’t help me out is because you knew that particular pearl of parental wisdom was a load of crap. But nonetheless, it would have been cool if you had made me an expert for one day. I might have believed in you more then.

Ah well, that’s water under the bridge for you and I. I don’t hold it against you because you came through for me on other stuff, namely the “please don’t let her be pregnant prayer.” Phew, dodged a bullet there!

I guess, when I really think about it, I’ve never really talked to you as much as I have just asked you for stuff, like a spiritual ATM of sorts. Maybe it’s just my flakey memory, but as I’ve gotten older the ATM seems to come through for me a lot more than it used to. Hallelujah, right?

I remember back in my early school days my teacher used to make us say the Lord’s prayer before class. I had no real idea what I was saying back then. Something about a chart in heaven, I think. I asked Mr West, the teacher, why we had to say that prayer. He just told me it was good for me in the same way my Mom would tell me that brussels spouts were good for me too, and I didn’t much like them either.

So maybe you and I just got off to a bad start then? Maybe it didn’t help that I thought praying was like eating your greens. I think if praying had been more like choclate or strawberries and whipped cream, then I would have really gotten into it.

I probably need to say nice things about you when I pray don’t I? I mean, We all need a bit geeing up from time to time. It never really ocures to me to say stuff, like “Hey God, nice job with Spring. The tree outside is looking good and I’m enjoying the warmer days so thanks for that.”

Do you ever get bored of prayer though God? I mean, do you ever sit up there in heaven and do something else, some diversion like cleaning out the cupboard under the stairs, just to avoid having to listen to prayers? Is listening to prayers sometimes like admin; not the best bit of your day, but an essential thing thats just part of the job description?

So yeah, I suck at praying. Sorry about that. I won’t be your favorite prayercast of that I’m sure, but I’ll try to be one voice among the many, giving thanks, asking for stuff, talking to you. It would be nice to hear back if you have the time.

Signs and wonders are great, and you’ve got that down real well it seems. But you know God, sometimes us mere mortals want to just have a chat. Maybe thats something to bear in mind next time you’re about to set a bush on fire or flood the earth. Just a thought.

Until next time,

Amen.