Before i Forget : Simon Jones's blog

November 1998

Meanwhile articleThursday, November 19th, 1998, (10:01 pm)

Meanwhile : Articles written by Simon Jones

Everyone’s favorite demon, Bill Gates, continues to get his proverbial ass kicked by the U.S. Department of Justice this week after his monopolistic company Microsoft (as if you didn’t already know) got well and truly beaten up last week in America’s centre stage of court rooms.

Last week it was the turn of Intel (the soon to be subject of another anti trust battle) to tell tails on the classroom bully, Microsoft. They reeled out reports of a multimedia technology they were forced to shelve after Microsoft had effectively threatened to end their ‘friendship’ if Intel continued to develop the technology.

The week before we had heard similar claims of ‘playground bullying’ from Apple. They (Apple) alleged Microsoft had deliberately written code to make Apple’s QuickTime multimedia technology appear to not work properly on Windows machines. While Netscape alleged that Microsoft made it impossible for users of Internet Explorer 3 to download Netscape 4. All of which Microsoft deny.

The fact remains though, that Bill Gates is… [Click here to continue reading this article at ‘Meanwhile’]

Meanwhile articleThursday, November 12th, 1998, (1:24 am)

Meanwhile : Articles written by Simon Jones

You know the time has come to move out of your home when a large drunk man wielding a big knife comes to your door shouting something about “cutting Porky’s throat”. This is exactly what has just happened to me. Some large beered up scally, with equally well proportioned knife in hand, has just come to my apartment building, and presented with a number of door bells to ring he deemed it logical to ring bell 1, which happens to be mine.

Receiving visitors at gone midnight isn’t something that concerns me, or at least it never used to be, but lately I have taken to putting on my deepest lowest and gruffest voice to ask in as intimidating a fashion as I can muster, “Ooo iz it?”

This policy was introduced after I was brushed aside by a bunch of ‘angry young men’ looking to ‘have a word’ with my upstairs neighbour Peter (a.k.a. Rab). This ‘word’ didn’t actually contain many words at all, and those it did contain are not really repeatable on this page. It did however contain much breaking of glass and crashing bodies against walls. I’d like to say I ran upstairs and saved my neighbour from a grisly end. However, I can’t claim such an honor. Instead I ran straight back into my flat closed and then locked the door before calling for the assistance of our local ‘long arms’.

A few minutes later, with a sound that resembled an angry herd of buffalo, Peter’s visitors came down the stairs and made their way back to wherever it was they came from. I scurried up the stairs to administer life saving first aid to my almost certainly dead neighbour. Instead though, as I barged through the door, I wasn’t greeted by the bloody site of a grisly murder, but instead a slightly messy flat and my neighbour, Pete, pouring himself a cup of tea!

Some time later, when the incident was almost as old as an episode of MASH, the long arm of the law sent there promised emergency assistance. A single policewoman armed with nothing more fierce then a bad hair day! I explained to her that the ’emergency’ was now over and that she ought to be thankful for this, because she would have stood little chance against Peter’s angry drunken ‘friends.’ She reassured me by saying if she thought the situation was beyond her control she would have waited in the car for back up! – Great! My neighbour is in a possible fight for his life and constable quiver is sitting downstairs in her car waiting for moral support to arrive!

Be that as it may, tonight’s incident once again warranted a call to the boys (and girls) in Blue. After little more of a minute listening to my new found friend outside shouting something about how I should open the door before he “comes though it”, I decided that I’d give Merseyside Police a chance to redeem themselves. I had already seen the oaf outside was carrying a large knife and from the noises he made that I could understand, I felt that he was not only serious but also probably big and angry enough to… [Click here to continue reading this article at ‘Meanwhile’]