Before i Forget : Simon Jones's blog

December 2004

PhotographySunday, December 5th, 2004, (5:52 pm)

I know I have posted pictures of the sunsets near where I live before, and I don’t want to repeat myself, but I simply had to share a few of the pictures of tonight’s sun set at Caldy (my favorite local beach).

The sunset started fairly average (top right) then turned into this amazing array of colors, the like of which I don’t think I have ever seen before in a sunset. Will and I took a load of pictures and Will took a few pics of me standing by my car too, which were cool. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

I know too that some of you may consider my posts too long winded sometimes, so rather than get all grammatically over excited about this sunset I’ll let the pictures do that talking and make this just a short post.

GeneralSaturday, December 4th, 2004, (10:41 am)

Recently I commented on a friends blog and she said that the rhythm of the comment reminded her of the old lady who swallowed a fly. That in turn reminded me of a run in I once had with a bee some years ago.

I’ve never swallowed a fly, but when I was about 15 or 16, I was riding my bike at my usual break-neck speed when I started to yawn. The yawn was one of those yawns that goes on for ages and makes you wonder if you might get jaw-lock!

The yawn was proceeding within usual yawn standards when suddenly something very large, a bee I assumed, flew straight into my open mouth in what must have been an unavoidable flying accident. I damn near crashed my bike as the bee, that seemed unusually large, shot straight into my throat and began to buzz for its life. I was now stopped, hunched over the handlebars of my bike coughing, chocking and wretching, doing anything I could to get the bee from my throat. The bee itself was in serious trouble and buzzing like a Geo Metro with a lunatic at the wheel.

I’m a peace loving kinda guy, and try to avoid killing wherever possible (especially people). I wanted the bee to get out of my throat for a number of reasons. I wanted it to leave and continue a normal happy life, able to tell its grandbees about how it once fought its way out of a humans vocal chords. But the truth is, you can only have a buzzing bee in your throat for so long. Eventually, despite my peaceful intentions, and my hope for a satisfactory outcome to this bike stopping moment, I had to bring an end to what was fast becoming a roadside chokathon.

I swallowed as hard as I could. The kind of big ol’ swallow you do when you’re trying to get some oversized tablet down without tasting it. The bee was now in serious serious trouble, as the muscles contracted and pushed him another inch toward the end of its life, it became ever more desperate to escape. It was buzzing so loud that I was concerned he may be sending out some kind of bee S.O.S and that in just a few seconds I would be surrounded by more angry bees wanting to flying down my neck and rescue their brother in arms.

Another huge gulp followed the last, and I felt the bee move down another inch or so still furiously buzzing what were to be its traumatic last buzzes as seconds later the buzzing stopped and the bee slipped away to begin its final and rather unpleasant final journey.

I stood up straight and took a huge gasp for air like a someone who had been underwater for a few seconds more than is comfortable. Cars continued past blissfully unaware of the drama that had just taken place. I felt bad for the bee, but in the end it had come down to a simple question of life or death for both of us, and I won.

I composed myself and took to the bike once more to continue on my way. From that day on if I ever needed to yawn I never forgot my manners again. I always put my hand over my mouth now so as to be sure to avoid any future repeats of the bee incident.

PoliticalFriday, December 3rd, 2004, (2:11 am)

I’d like to extend my heartfelt and genuine thanks to the President of the United States. He’s fast becoming my new best friend and if I see him, I seriously am going to give him a big ol’ “God Bless America” hug.

You see ‘Boy George’ has been putting loads of money in my pocket lately, sadly at the expense of American tourists to Europe, but hey, who cares about them! No, you see in the style of the Bush administrations ‘Lets look after ourselves and f**k everyone else in the world’ attitude, I am embracing the Presidents generosity toward me.

You see thanks to the fact that Boy George has been driving the US economy into the ground the US Dollar is now worth less in the money market than it has been worth for years. Bad news for Americans of course, but hey, great news for me!

It seems that in an effort to try and revive the US economy, Bush and the boys have made noises about imposing more of those punitive tariffs on foreign goods, this time on goods from China (rather than the punitive tariffs placed on Steel – a tariff that was recently ruled against by the World Trade Organisation). This in turn raised fear of trade war, and concerns that countries such as China will slow down trading with America yet further, thus not helping America shift its trade deficit.

All of this is good news for me because it means that when I am in America again (in a couple of weeks) my Pounds will go even further than they usually do with the very real possibility that one Pound will buy me two dollars! This means mega-deals for me. For example, I planned to buy an iPodphoto in Oregon (tax free). In the UK it would cost £450, but in America I’ll be able to buy that today for the equivalent of just £309! I was planning on buying a Canon s70 digital camera that I need for work, that will cost me less than half price in Oregon at todays exchange rate and with American prices being that much lower than here (plus we pay 17.5% sales tax here!).

So it’s happy days for me. Now if only I could import Gas at American pump prices that would be great! But for now I am happy to bail Bush out and do my bit to help Americas ailing economy. Of course it does mean that any Americans planning on visiting the UK or Europe are in for an even worse shock when they change their money into Pounds or Euros. I guess that won’t help our tourist industry, but as Boy George keeps banging on about his “War on tourism” what did we expect.

What’s that you say? It’s not a War on Tourism? It a War on Terrorism? Oh, sorry we misunderstood, it must have been his accent.

« Previous Page