I’ve started a rigorous new fitness program at my gym. I’ve hired a personal trainer and I’m going to get into great shape. A couple of years ago I was really into going to the gym. I got into the best shape I was ever in. The reward of having the hairdressers come outside in the summer months to chat with me as I worked on the garden was an ego boost. But you know how it goes, you get bored of running to nowhere on the machine, rowing but not reaching anywhere interesting, and lifting weights that make you huff and puff like the big bad wolf about to do bad things to a house of three little pigs. Eventually the only reason for my regular trip to the ‘gym’ was to actually just use the hot tub, sauna and steam room. It became all about relaxation, and not much about getting and staying fit and healthy.

The other day I read somewhere that cardiologists insist sex three to four times a week cuts down chances of a heart attack. I’ll admit that right then, as I read on, I thought to myself that I should also try and marry a cardiologist.

The article continued that “vigorous lovemaking raises pulse rate from a normal 70 beats per minute to 150. Up to 250 calories get burnt up as a result and this is the equivalent of 15 minutes of jogging or a game of squash.” It’s also pretty obvious surely, that as much fun as jogging or playing squash might be, it can’t beat a really good roll in the hay.

Still, working out at the gym is going to help me look better, or at least that’s the plan. All those machines and stuff will help me tone up according to Chaz, my personal trainer. Though I am slightly nervous at his suggestion that by March I’ll be fit enough to run the London marathon. A few little tests in my fitness test revealed that I have very good stamina, which Chaz said would be good for my marathon hopes. Suddenly they were my marathon hopes?

I’m off to a good start though. Yesterday I did all kinds of things that by about 6pm today I was wishing I hadn’t. But oddly enough I like that pain, it motivates me to go to the gym and inflict more pain on myself. I like the kind of workout that leaves me shaking and feeling really light headed! Seriously, I do!

So I’m feeling good about this stuff. I’m going to review my diet too and I might even try getting up a little earlier in the morning, like normal people! Who knows maybe I’ll get that six pack I lost somewhere back in my twenties (though I am worried that I may have actually just drunk it).