Before i Forget : Simon Jones's blog

January 2006


GeneralTuesday, January 10th, 2006, (10:37 am)

Some people read wholesome material every single day, like for example “every day with Jesus”. Doing so equips them to go out into the world feeling spiritually centered and ready to take whatever the day throws at them. It’s a healthy start, like Granola, and a routine that gets the day off on the right foot.

Thanks to a recent Christmas gift, my would-be daily devotional is of a far less wholesome nature. ‘Position of the day’ provides the reader with a new sex position to try each and every day. It’s as thick as my Bible (yes I do own one), though it’s unlikely you’ll find this publication in the bedside table drawer of every hotel you visit, despite the fact it might be more fitting for the purpose.

Tomorrow is my birthday, so I took a peek at what tomorrows position would be. It was then when I became suspicious that this might not be a book for beginners (not that I would classify myself as a beginner mind you). ‘The well-oiled machine’ position includes no less than four people! It’s a tricky position, especially for a midweek night in the middle of January!

The book comes with no specific disclaimers about possible injuries the reader might sustain while trying to attempt some of the more imaginative antics. Positions like the ‘head-bangers ball’ look like they could result in a serious injury should one or other party have a momentary wobble, which one might think is quite possible given the nature of subject at hand. And who comes up with the names of these positions? ‘The chairway to heaven’, ‘The meat hook’, ‘The empire strikes back’, and the ‘Rodeo drive’.

The book even comes complete with details such as how many calories are burned during each particular situation, plus what equipment you might need to make the magic happen (rocking chairs, pull-up bars, and good ol’ fashioned beds). And for the really devoted there is even a notes section so you compare and contrast the results of experiments such as the ‘Fortuitous Faint’ or the ‘Breakfast of Champions!’

I’m not sure that I’d be making notes, but maybe I should get on and try some of these positions sooner rather than later though? After all tomorrows birthday is one step closer to the days of creaky bones, bad backs and the like, and many of these positions look like they might require a serious amount of agility.

In the end I probably won’t be partaking in the ‘well-oiled machine’ tomorrow. A more subdued and low key approach to my birthday is in store I think. At the weekend some friends, and even my parents, are coming up north to enjoy a birthday meal with me, complete with a pre-dinner firework ‘display’ of sorts. It should be a lot of fun. Some people hate their birthdays, I love mine, even if I don’t get to oil any machinery!

Position of the day
Every day with Jesus

GeneralSunday, January 8th, 2006, (3:41 am)

Just a few days away from my birthday I thought I’d watch a movie from my youth. It’s always interesting watching stuff again you enjoyed as a kid. Sometimes it spoils it because you realise just how dumb it was or how much the acting really sucked. But occasionally you can get passed that and still enjoy it, like when I watch an episode of “CHiPs”.

Oh how I wanted to be one of those motorbike cops riding the open highways of California on my great big Kawasaki Highway Patrol Bike with my short sleeved shirt, those great big boots and the cool cop glasses. Of course, the reality is far less glamorous, for a start these days there are no open freeways in California, I mean have you ever tried getting anywhere fast on the 405! But who cares about reality when they’re 12! I had my bike, and an imagination that had me in high speed chases and many a dramatic rescue I can tell you.

So tonight I watched the classic teen flick ‘War Games’. I say classic, but truth is you probably only saw (and enjoyed) that movie if you were born in the 70’s or maybe the late 60’s perhaps? It starred a fresh faced Matthew Broderick (before his unforgettable performance in the John Hughes classic ‘Ferris Beullers Day Off’) as a computer geek who manages to hack his way into the U.S. nuclear missile defence computer and start a game which almost has catastrophic consequences.

I still enjoyed the film, despite it being 22 years old! But from a distance the movie seemed interesting in its theme, which was essentially, fear. In this case it was fear of the Soviets and their many nuclear missiles that were able to wipe America out within just a few minutes, or so we were told.

As a kid I remember being afraid of such a terrifying war. I recall the songs in the charts about such things. ‘The Final Countdown’ by Europe, ‘Dancing with tears in my eyes’ by Ultravox, ‘Two tribes’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Stings ‘Russians’ in which he sang that he hoped “the Russians love their children too.” Though we played, as children do, the fear often had me examining objects making their way across the sky, wondering is that a nuclear missile, or just a plane?

Today of course, we don’t fear the Russians. We trade with them and treat them much as we would any global neighbor. With the collapse of the Soviet Union and the dissapreance of the threat it carried we should have been able to rest easy for a while. But it seems that we needed a new enemy to fear, and so we have one.

A modern version of ‘War Games’ wouldn’t feature the Russians, but instead Islamic extremists, or as we like to call them, Al-Qaeda. It would perhaps show some cool skateboarding kid infiltrate and expose a group of strangely bearded ‘middle eastern looking’ men plotting to bring “terror” to the United States. Terror that would, of course, not come to pass because after all this is Hollywood we’re talking about so the ‘good guy’ would have to win.

The reality of such threats from the Soviets or ‘Al-Qaeda’ may well be real, but I can’t help but wonder if such films allow us to live in fear of an enemy with far less power and potential than Hollywood, our news, our governments and, perhaps most of all, our imaginations might have us believe.

While it certainly seems inconceivable to us now that ‘Al-Qaeda’ might once again become an ally, it surely can’t be put beyond the realms of possibility. After all, when ‘War Games’ was showing in theatres across the globe, who would have bet on the Russians and Americans working together in space on an orbital space station?

War Games
Al-Qaeda
The international space station

GeneralSaturday, January 7th, 2006, (12:59 am)

In the Air France magazine on the long flight from Atlanta to Paris there was an article about French photographer Pierre Javelle and Japanese creative type Akiko Ida, who between them had created a strangely facinating world of little people working and playing on and in food.

I’d tell you more about the duo but unfortunately the extent of my French allows me to tell you only my name and that I like your fish. The article, though very interesting I’m sure, looked like C’blur l’blur l’blur c’blur l’mur j’mur to me.

A quick Google around the web didn’t teach me much more other than the creation of these little people takes a very long time.

While Googling aound though I discovered a website that give you 249 ways to enjoy toast and another that gives you the recipie for a 30,000 calorie sandwich. I became sidetracked as I clicked on links to strange and funny foods which included the ‘Tokyo bust pudding’, which pretty much is what you think it is. Or how about a tasty bowl of ‘Shito mix?’ (I kid you not!).

However I decided my search had gone far enough when I ran into cock favored soup which is apparently available at Vons! Indeed this is no ordinary cock soup, it seems that it is better than that – it’s authentic spicey jamaican cock soup! For those who might relish the taste of cock you’ll be pleased to know you can even buy it online for under a dollar. Though that particular online store require you to make a minimum order of $15 so you might be eating cock for a considerable amount of time!

The french site of the little people creators
More pictures of those little people
Shito mix
Cock flavored soup

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