Before i Forget : Simon Jones's blog

February 2006

GeneralFriday, February 17th, 2006, (8:49 pm)

This was the scene above me the other night. I meant to post it then but I forgot. I’ve never seen that before, it was quite strange, the moon surrounded by a huge ring. It was in the sky all night long.

I love living around here, where I can be in the English countryside in just a few minutes. Sometimes I go for a late night drive and then throw the roof back, and listen to my iPod while I look at the stars and ponder the things people do when gazing at far off places.

GeneralFriday, February 17th, 2006, (8:45 am)

People kill people! :-)

PoliticalWednesday, February 15th, 2006, (2:36 am)

Allow me, if you will, to ask a question. It’s not a question that can be answered easily I’m sure, and in some respects it’s a can of worms that most would probably rather keep well closed. Certainly I don’t expect more than a handful of comments from the 100 people who currently subscribe to this little Xanga of mine. It’s not escaped my attention that my posts on political subjects tend to attract very little interaction wheras a post about bubble bath or tootchache always seem to get far more attention. I’m not complaining though. I do at least know from certain statistics this little Xanga of mine enjoys quite a few page views a day.

So the question… my not very easy to answer political question… my opening of a can of worms… is this…

President Bush is against abortion right? I mean that was a fairly big wallop of his election campaign right? In a comment I had the other day someone mentioned that fact and how many people had voted for President Bush based in no small part on his standing in that regard. So, quite genuinely I ask this; How many babies has President Bush, or his administration at least, saved since he took office?

I honestly haven’t Googled this subject at all, so I swear this is a genuine question and I am genuinely interested. How many unwanted children have been saved by President Bush, and I suppose a natral follow on to that question would be to ask where they are now and who is looking after them?

It’s easy for me as an Englishman, or dare I even say as a ‘European,’ to dislike the President. He’s hugely unpopular across the world as far as I can see, and his fogien policies seem to involve more fingers of triggers rather than hands of peace. But I’m willing to accept the fact that when it comes to his domestic policies I’m in less of a position to judge the man than those who feel the effects of his decisions at home and in their bank balances. Heck, unpopularity is a trait that some of histories most reveered figures had to live with when they were alive. Martin Luther King Jr., and Jesus Christ himself to name but two!

GeneralTuesday, February 14th, 2006, (1:21 am)

It’s St. Valentines day again, another ‘Hallmark holiday’ designed to sell us all over-priced rubbish that might actually mean more on any other day of the year.

Despite recently being voted the 9th sexiest man in the world by New Woman magazine (don’t go exploding my bubble ya hear!), I have once again decided to rebuff the usual Valentines traditions of buying roses, cards, or any such ‘romantic’ trash that the one might argue people buy for their partners not because they want to but because they are expected to.

Sure, if your 16, or trying to woo someone, or you’re enjoying the ‘honeymoon’ period of a new relationship, then Valentines day can be fun. But my objection with it is that it all seems so ‘processed’, you know?

To my mind, any gift given on Valentines day is in some way slightly devalued because it was given on this day! The motivation behind a romantic act on Feb 14th is, in my opinion, questionable due to the expectations of the day… expectations that have been put upon us by those seeking to sell cards, roses, chocolates, or indeed anything red or fluffy, or heaven forbid, both!

Of all the ‘Hallmark holidays’ I much prefer St Patrick’s day. It’s not really a ‘Hallmark holiday’ but a ‘Guinness holiday’ when everyone finds a little Irish in them, and a reason to drink Guinness as if it were running out. There’s no guilt associated with the holiday either. If you don’t go out and get barnied with your mates then it’s no big deal. No one will try and make you feel bad, and your partner won’t hold out on sex for 2 weeks in revenge either.

New Woman magazine votes Simon Jones the 9th sexiest man alive!

GeneralFriday, February 10th, 2006, (2:07 pm)

Now a few of you know, I do quite a bit of flying, mainly long haul flights of 8+ hours. On such flights an upgrade is a blessing from the heavens. In fact, when flying eastbound through the quickened night to the UK from America an upgrade is quite simply a gift from God because sleeping on a night flight across the Atlantic flight is far more important because you’re stealing hours from your clock, hours that invariably you would have spent sleeping.

So what are the tricks people use to get upgrades? The BBC have run an article on their website today about this very subject, and according to them people have faked injuries, worn false beards and pretended to be the airline owners brothers, and all sorts of other stunts!

I’m always loathed to ask for an upgrade. I just think that they must hear that -SO- much it must become extremely tiresome. One Delta check-in staff member joked with me that no matter how bad a persons English was, one word they could all say was ‘upgrade.’ But on the two last occasions I flew I asked for an upgrade and was upgraded both times.

There are apparently no clear cut rules to getting upgraded apparently. Each airline have different policies, but it’s generally agreed that certain things will ensure you are not upgraded. Being drunk, abusive, loud, or looking like a member of the studio audience from the Jerry Springer show will most certainly ensure you never sit in the fake leather chairs of business or first class.

So what does get you upgraded? Well, according to the BBC, if you don’t ask you won’t get. So you should always try at least asking. However, you should couch this in a little charm and chit-chat. Being gloriously late for a flight or having a wickedly scant connection has actually worked for me on various occasions. I hate to think how much I have cost Delta in late leaving fees at Manchester Airport in the UK!

Dressing well also really helps your chances. Though I can’t say that it’s particularly helped me. I’m always very casual, so I think maybe it’s the charm that helped in my case? But apparently men (and women) of the cloth are favorites for upgrades. I asked a couple of Rev friends of mine too and they agree, the title comes with its own kind of kick-backs. It makes me wonder, Rev Simon Jones… hmm, that got a nice ring to it. I might have to give that one a go sometime!

Of course maybe I should try and fake celebrity and get a hoard of screaming girls to surround me as I walk into the terminal wearing wrap around shades of which I must have about 30 pairs! I have a mate who runs a security company and he could be my body guard for the stunt. He even has those funky ear peices. It’s a long shot, but it might just work!

BBC article
Rev. Simon Jones’s church website
Christian author Simon Jones Author of aptly titled “Why bother with Church”

GeneralThursday, February 9th, 2006, (3:34 pm)

So there’s good news for those among you who love shagging, and lets face it who doesn’t love rolling around making ooohing and ahhing noises (I always worry about the whole omnipresent thing about God at such times – Lord, avert your eyes!). Scientists have discovered that having sex helps calm nerves!

Now I’m not entirely sure how one gets to come to this conclusion, no pun intended, but nonetheless scientist have found that if you’re a nervous person then more sex is probably going to do you the world of good.

Apparently this is especially good news for those who don’t particularly like public speaking or giving powerpoint presentations and the such. But it has to be all the way sex with a partner according to Stuart Brody, a psychologist at the University of Paisley in England. He compared the impact of different sexual activities on blood pressure when a person later experiences acute stress. For a fortnight, 24 women and 22 men kept diaries of how often they engaged in full on ‘scream at the ceiling’ sex, and other types of sex. After, the volunteers underwent a stress test involving public speaking and mental arithmetic out loud.

The volunteers who’d had penetrative sex were the most chilled out in a sciencey kind of way, compared to those who had engaged in other non-penetrative sex stuff. Interestingly though, those who had no nothing in the nether regions (not to be confused with the Netherlands of course) had the highest blood-pressure response to stress.

This probably goes a long way in explaining why so many Christians I’ve met are so up-tight and dramatic. Sex is, of course, the Achilles heel of Christianity. God said you can’t ‘get down’ with someone you’re not married to, and while that might work in a moral sense, it does rather change when one considers that way back when God apparently ordered this, arranged marriages with very young girls was very common.

The world is a different place these days, and as if to demonstrate that fact, only yesterday the Episcopal church which apologized for being at the forefront of slave trade and slavery in general, once a accepted part of culture, now very much an unacceptable thing by any standard.

Of course, those unmarried Christians that do engage in a little sexual stress relief with their significant other, probably don’t get the best effect from it though, as they have to continue pretending to other good Christians that they too are ‘good Christians’. One might even suggest that if a church is full of people not only not having sex, but also full of unmarried couples who are having sex but are still stressed because they are having to pretend they’re not, then this surely leads to a pressure cooker of tension and stress?

But never mind of all that pondering about the ins and outs of abstinence, I want to find out how one volunteers for these studies!? I mean where the heck do they get these people from? And maybe I’m stepping over a line of acceptability here, but is anyone doing a study on the effects of really noisy full on ‘howl at the moon’ sex? I’m not saying I’d volunteer you understand. No sir, I’m not married yet, so of course, I’m a virgin don’t you know.

Sex before stressful events keeps you calm
The rules of Christian sex
Christian sex : What’s OK, what’s not
Divine interventions Oh my!! Seriously, don’t click this link!
Heavenly help – Kaching!
Church to apologize for role in slavery

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