Where the hell do last years unwritten Christmas cards go? You put them away for safe keeping, fully planning to use them this year but now they’ve just disappeared!

Like most people, at Christmas time get a selection box of Christmas cards to send and I usually end up with a few leftover ones. Ordinarily these are the ‘rejects’ of the selection, or worse still the ones that feature religious scenes that represent Mary, Joseph, and the three kings as blue eyed white folk looking down upon the newborn Jesus who curiously appears to have a glowing head.

Nonetheless, last years rejects would come in handy to send to this years B and C list friends. But despite the fact that I put them in a safe place that I was sure to remember, come Christmas time I can’t find the damn things anywhere.

I scour my apartment like a cop in a drugs raid, but it’s a fruitless effort, the bounty is nowhere to be found. So I buy another selection of cards and just as last year I have a few leftovers which I put in a safe place.

While looking for a suitable place to store this years leftover cards what do I come across… last years leftover cards! Cursing I collect the cards together flicking through last years wondering why it is that anyone would make such bloody awful Christmas cards. Somewhere an artist turns in his grave at the thought that his carefully crafted picture of the angel Gabriel appearing to the shepherds has now been reduced to a cheap Christmas card that nobody wants to send.

After storing them away safely for next year I stand there for a moment and address myself in my mind with my sternest voice. “Simon. Remember this! This is where you have stored those bloody awful Christmas cards you can palm off on your B and C list buddies next year… Remember this place!”

Okay, job’s done. They’re at the bottom of this draw over here and there’s no way that I can possibly forget this when Christmas comes around again, no way at all.

A year later, and guess what I’m doing…